Just an old fashioned love song.

Daniel and I have had the opportunity to share our dating story a few times over the past two weeks. We are 5 years into this marriage and I still get choked up when I tell of our unlikely odds of meeting each other. Shortly after we were married, I realized that my story could probably encourage a single girl out there somewhere- and what good is having an interesting journey if you do not share it!? Now that we live in a college town, I am asked often "How did you meet your husband" by a college girl with bright eyes- hoping that I will tell her a fairytale story.

When I was single, I shivered at the thought of reading books on "singleness" BLEH. 

Why? Because it went something like this... Be ok with being single. Your identity is in Jesus. Date Jesus (whatever the heck that means), Pray for your future husband, blah blah blah blah. 

All of those things written by women who were married with children. You know, the book or speaker or friend who tells you that your identity is in Christ, yet all they want to discuss with you is your dating life or the lack thereof. And they say things like "You will find someone" with the purest of intentions- as if you should be roaming and sniffing out the streets like a famished animal.

We talk about marriage to young women like it is a ranking or to something to be achieved. We talk about marriage as if it is a status that will earn us great accolades. Pick up a small town newspaper- you will find a photo of a young woman (alone) with wedding announcement. Where is her future spouse in the picture? Is she getting married to herself? I don't get it. Heck, watch The Bachelor (I refuse to) and watch the competition and parading of beauty and sex while it knocks us (women) back a couple of decades. Can we be honest about the marriages around us that are failing daily? 

So I approach this "telling of my story" very carefully. I do not want to forget the feelings I had as I celebrated all my friend's weddings. I had something like 17 bridesmaids dresses in my closet by the time I got married. I was single at the age that the bridal showers had turned into baby showers. I want to remain cognizant of the single girl I was- The girl who fought for her individuality and independence. The girl who sought adventure and spent any extra money on traveling. The girl who had a career and her own home. The girl who had goals. The girl who would not have been caught dead attending a Woman's Conference or being part of a Singles Group at church. 

Now as I reflect back when telling our story, I realize that what I had really was a gift. [Grab a single 28 year old to tell her that and you will get punched in the throat.] It was a gift because of the freedom that I had to discover myself. I look around and see many women who do not have the opportunity to shape the lives they want- they only get to shape the lives they share with someone else. I realize that I had a decade all to myself- to make big fat mistakes, to figure out what I liked and disliked, to figure out how to be true to myself. 

Little did I know, Daniel would be attracted to my independence the most. Little did I know, the timing was perfect. Little did I know, his journey was just as necessary as mine. Little did I know, the future of our joy together needed the wreckage of the decade before. 

That is all I want these young ladies (and guys) to hear. 

My message is NOT "look, if you pray hard enough, your fairytale will come"- that is based on the junk the world tells us to expect. Can we please get past that and approach this topic with maturity? Single folks need that from us. They need transparency. They need to see how marriage requires maturity and self-sacrifice and it should not be entered into like a Disney cartoon. 

Somehow, someway, this has become my message. And as long as single girls keep asking- I will keep answering.