In Psalm 27, David writes "The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of who shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Thou an army besiege me, my heart will not fear, though war break out against me, even then will I be confident"
From the outside, I don't display much fear. I am not afraid to go to new places alone. I am not afraid of change or speaking up for myself. I am typically not afraid of someone attacking me. I usually don't make enemies and, to my knowledge, no army has tried to besiege me. SO, let me tell you what fear does look like in my life. Fear shows up when I quit my job and try to start my own endeavors. Fear showed up when I was single and not sure if I could pay all of my bills from month to month. Fear shows up when I can't get my mom on the phone and I hope she is ok. Fear shows up when feeling that I lack skills needed to achieve or produce work. Fear in my life looks like FEAR of myself. FEAR of my circumstances. FEAR shows up in the form of shame and vulnerability. FEAR in the form of flesh.
I have a hard time depending on others to help me out of an emotional pit. I have a hard time expressing how I feel when I am afraid. I don't want to be a nuisance. So I withdraw. I overeat. I don't exercise. I gaze at the television. I don't live. This is the way you will see fear in my life.
So what does Psalm 27 tell me? The Lord is my light and my salvation. WHOM shall I fear? This doesn't give me permission to fear myself. I am the army. I am the evil men. He wants to redeem those parts in me too. This is why I have to spend time in scripture, this is why I have to state God's truth in my life, and this is why I have to ask God to change my life on the daily. If not, the result is me. Just me. My flesh, the deceit of my mind and heart, devouring me in those moments of fear.
I love verse 13 and 14: I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord: be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
-Heather
