Quirky Food

As I am typing this, Daniel is sitting next to me enjoying a bowl of Fruity Pebbles that I bought these in a moment of "hmmm I am pregnant and these sound really right about now."  It prompted me to tell him about the time I was on a Fruity Pebbles kick in college and I ate them for about 2 weeks solid- nothing else. And then there was the Coleslaw kick in my early twenties. I experimented with coleslaw recipes and ate it for about 4 days straight- nothing else. Then there was the tilapia kick. I didn't eat seafood until I was about 22 years old and then I didn't stop.

So these weird eating habits are nothing new to me and make me feel kinda normal because I have pregnancy as an excuse. When I was a child, learning to cook for myself, my favorite breakfast was a fried ham sandwich on toasted bread with mayo and pickles. My mom let me do it and to this day, I still get giddy when I can make this for breakfast without Daniel being totally grossed out by morning pickles.  

I pride myself in cooking with fresh herbs and spices, experimenting with new recipes and opening my home for community around the dinner table. The food aversions with this pregnancy have been very strong, leaving me pushing food around on my plate with a fork and barely able to handle the smells in the grocery store and kitchen. (The reason Daniel is eating Fruity Pebbles for dinner.) Everyone tells me it will get better- so for now I will just embrace the quirkiness that has always been but just blame it on the baby!

                       

Waiting and waiting and waiting

An unpublished blog from March 2014....

It seems like the past three months have been filled with sickness, searching and surrender. It has been almost two full months since blogging last. I think my last post was written while I was high on prescription steroids to fight pneumonia. It's taken a while, but my lungs and sinuses are on the mend from a tough winter season. And I am glad to see summer on the way! (Colorado summers are what gets me through the snowy season!)

I am 24 hours away from starting a new chapter in my life professionally. This is bringing a 6-month chapter of waiting to an end.  I left my job in a local school district in October to gain clarity, to find parts of me that had been lost, to attempt to "sell myself" as a consultant, to dream about my own business, to spend some time in the home we had just purchased, and most of all to wait for the next stage. It was a feeling that was hard to explain to others. Most people looked at me with confusion when I couldn't answer their question "what are you going to do now?" I realized that I was leaving a paycheck behind and that is a place of vulnerability for most of us. Vulnerabilty that feels like a blindfold made of steel wool. But I knew I needed to leave and the only answer I could muster was "I will WAIT for the right opportunity."

Over the last 6 months, I have had various consulting gigs that have kept me busy. I have also had snowy days where I didn't get out of my pajama pants until 3pm (just in time to spot-clean the house and convince Daniel that I had been productive.) Those days are not good for me. There have been days of disappointment when a potential client didn't respond to a proposal I had sent, there were days that I had three projects happening at once. One thing was consistent though, I was waiting.
I have sat at our dining table toiling and praying and crying and toiling some more.

Most people see me as a free-spirit, but in this waiting I had turned into a worrier. The Lord showed me time and time again that when I draw near to Him, that is the only place where I find peace. When I have been awake at 4am with my bible in my lap, that is where I find answers. When my soul longs for Him, my needs are met. Why do we ever doubt that?

A young professional crisis

It's been 8 months since I landed a highly visible job working for the city-  a "big girl job" at the table with a bunch of men. I can be invited into an important meeting with a distinguished citizen, business owner or elected official at the drop of a hat! Which means, I can't roll out of bed and skip washing my hair. It also means I am on the news almost weekly.
This "has-been" pageant girl loves the opportunity to wear a suit and heels and I am doing a lot of that these days! So with that in mind, I am sharing some of my "best practices" that I enforce at work and maybe you have some to add....

Get to know a tailor. 
Don't look like a child playing dress up in your mom's clothes. Have those favorite pieces hemmed or taken up. It doesn't have to cost a fortune to look put together. And your suits don't have to be expensive, they just need to fit well.

No one should ever see your cleavage in the workplace. No one. 
Keep it modest ladies, this is not the time to prop those puppies up for all the world to see. Wear a camisole or tank if you must. Be classy and dress for the job you want. Test your clothes before leaving your house- bend over, bend down, reach up, sit, squat. If these pass the test, then you are ready.

Wear a watch. 
In order to be on time, you have to know the time. When you are in a meeting, a casual glance at your watch is far more discreet than digging out your iPhone just to get the time. Plus, if you have notifications on your screen, they can create an unwelcome distraction from your current meeting. It's rude. Get a watch.

Buy the right undergarments. 
I am the first to admit that I hate spending a lot of money on good "support" but it's a must. Undergarments that you don't have to tug or pull when you stand or sit. And for goodness sakes, your bra strap should never ever show.

Keep your shoes tidy.
Colorado can be hard on shoes. I buy cheap trendy shoes with the rest of you, but I am learning that quality in this department is vital. Keep a shoe shine cloth or brush in your desk.

Be careful with trend.
I love jewelry. (And I hate Khaki. You will never, ever see me in Khaki.)
Many times I remove my earrings or necklace prior to an on-camera interview. This is when good judgement comes in handy- if you have on a busy print, go slim on the jewelry. Ask if yourself if your accessories are a distraction. I once listened to a Communications Director speak at a professional luncheon and didn't hear a word she said because of her neon-green plastic earrings that matched her neon green eye-shadow. It left me wondering about her intelligence. Don't give people a reason to discount your skills.

Nail polish.
Ugh. Nail polish. It should be clean and simple. And when it starts flaking off, please please TAKE IT OFF WITH REMOVER!! Keep disposable nail polish remover wipes in your desk if you have to. And what is up with all of the crazy designs for nails these days? I do not think it appropriate for a professional job. That's my two cents. I notice people's hands and if you are dealing with customers or upper management, your nails need to be a priority.

This rant brought on by the lack of concern I see in many young professionals. Dress for the job that you want. And when someone tells you "you don't have to dress up for this job" -you smile and reply, "I know."

Another one about Daniel

Yes it is 4:25 am and I am blogging. Maybe all the meds for this pesky pneumonia are to blame. I have not had a restful night of sleep in almost a week now. Daniel has been a trooper. Seriously. I have coughed so much during the night this winter, that I am surprised he hasn't left me for the sofa permanently. Tonight I jokingly said "check on me in the middle of the night and make sure I am still breathing." He quickly responded "That is not even funny. Pneumonia is serious stuff."
I married a man who knows my body language so well that it only takes a glance into my eyes or a change in my breathing pattern to know when I am not ok. I suppose most can say the same about their spouse. But indulge me here, I am still in awe of it.
He takes care of me. He does not ask if I need anything, he just does it. Water? He brings it. Meds? He makes sure I have taken them. My favorite quilt? He knows where to find it. Phone charger plugged in on my nightstand? Every night. This list goes on, but I will spare you.
Tonight, as he was drifting off to sleep, his hand landed on my pillow next to my face. I clasped his hand and I could feel his wedding band under mine. Fighting back the tears, my heart was overwhelmed. The way he cares for me is the purest devotion I have ever known (well, second to that of my mother.) I saw it from the beginning. I knew it when I met him. It is second nature to him. This is the reason it only took 10 months of dating him to say "I do" to him.
A little pneumonia has not been and will not be the biggest thing we go through, but I know this... He will not let me "go it alone." He is selfless when it comes to taking care of me. He shields me and he strengthens me.
This is why getting married at 31, every second I waited and longed for marriage, has been worth it. He was worth it. Single girls...watch how he takes care of you when you are sick. Pay attention to the ways he tends to you when you are weak. Believe his behavior. These things matter if you plan to join your life with someone else. I promise they matter!

Fear not

The bible says "Fear Not" 314 times. (Now before any of you debate how many times it appears, just know that is not the purpose here).
In Psalm 27, David writes "The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of who shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Thou an army besiege me, my heart will not fear, though war break out against me, even then will I be confident"

From the outside, I don't display much fear. I am not afraid to go to new places alone. I am not afraid of change or speaking up for myself. I am typically not afraid of someone attacking me. I usually don't make enemies and, to my knowledge, no army has tried to besiege me. SO, let me tell you what fear does look like in my life. Fear shows up when I quit my job and try to start my own endeavors. Fear showed up when I was single and not sure if I could pay all of my bills from month to month. Fear shows up when I can't get my mom on the phone and I hope she is ok. Fear shows up when feeling that I lack skills needed to achieve or produce work. Fear in my life looks like FEAR of myself. FEAR of my circumstances. FEAR shows up in the form of shame and vulnerability. FEAR in the form of flesh.

I have a hard time depending on others to help me out of an emotional pit. I have a hard time expressing how I feel when I am afraid. I don't want to be a nuisance. So I withdraw. I overeat. I don't exercise. I gaze at the television. I don't live. This is the way you will see fear in my life.

So what does Psalm 27 tell me? The Lord is my light and my salvation. WHOM shall I fear? This doesn't give me permission to fear myself. I am the army. I am the evil men. He wants to redeem those parts in me too. This is why I have to spend time in scripture, this is why I have to state God's truth in my life, and this is why I have to ask God to change my life on the daily. If not, the result is me. Just me. My flesh, the deceit of my mind and heart, devouring me in those moments of fear.

I love verse 13 and 14: I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord: be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.



-Heather

Empty questions

I want all of you to read this if you haven't already. This excerpt is from a blog written by Glennon Doyle Melton and it has been shared all over Facebook (click here to see the original blog) While I can't directly identify with her "mommy-perspective," I can identify with HATING the question "how was your day?" Empty questions elicit the same empty answers.

I have a friend here in Colorado Springs who is the best listener I have ever met. Her name is Sarah Smith. She is a busy mom of two baby boys, yet she asks me questions about things we talked about MONTHS AGO! She knows the names of my siblings and my nieces and nephews who live across the country. She remembers what I have mentioned liking and things I dislike. I want to be a listener like her. I want to be a friend like her. I want to ask the questions that make people feel known. 

We have the power to give life with our words. We have the power to heal with our words. We have the power to open hearts with our words. The problem is that when we live with someone day-in and day-out, we forget to craft those words. 

Today, as Daniel was leaving, instead of saying the typical "Have a good day" (WHATEVER THAT MEANS!?!?!?) I chose different words. As he was getting in the car, I said "Make someone feel special today." He has the power to do that very thing, especially in his position of authority.

I love what this writer says about not asking her kids "How was your day" and the questions she asks them instead. I hope you will read her entire blog, here is the gist....

Portion from the original blog by Glennon Melton

Through therapy, we learned to ask each other better questions. We learned that if we really want to know our people, if we really care to know them -- we need to ask them better questions and then really listen to their answers. We need to ask questions that carry along with them this message: "I'm not just checking the box here. I really care what you have to say and how you feel. I really want to know you." If we don't want throwaway answers, we can't ask throwaway questions. A caring question is a key that will unlock a room inside the person you love.

So Craig and I don't ask "How was your day?" anymore. After a few years of practicing increasingly intimate question asking, now we find ourselves asking each other questions like these:

When did you feel loved today?

When did you feel lonely?

What did I do today that made you feel appreciated?

What did I say that made you feel unnoticed?

What can I do to help you right now?

I know. WEEEEEIRRD at first. But not after a while. Not any weirder than asking the same damn empty questions you've always asked that elicit the same damn empty answers you've always gotten.

And so now when our kids get home from school, we don't say: "How was your day?" Because they don't know. Their day was lots of things.

Instead we ask:

How did you feel during your spelling test?

What did you say to the new girl when you all went out to recess?

Did you feel lonely at all today?

Were there any times you felt proud of yourself today?

And I never ask my friends: "How are you?" Because they don't know either.

Instead I ask:

How is your mom's chemo going?

How'd that conference with Ben's teacher turn out?

What's going really well with work right now?

Questions are like gifts -- it's the thought behind them that the receiver really FEELS. We have to know the receiver to give the right gift and to ask the right question. Generic gifts and questions are all right, but personal gifts and questions feel better. Love is specific, I think. It's an art. The more attention and time you give to your questions, the more beautiful the answers become.

Life is a conversation. Make it a good one.

The Big Ones

Boundary. Ah, a word we learn to use as an adult. A word that my heavy heart grew to understand while listening to a poignant sermon at Pinelake or while spilling my guts with a counselor in my mid-20s. I don't know about you, but boundary is a life-giving word. Who knew?
It is a word that actually brings freedom in my life- a freedom that gives room for clarity and courage.  I have been chewing on the word boundary as it relates to my time and on whom I choose to spend my time. Now, before you start thinking that sounds audacious, I want all of us to agree that yes, we give our time freely and without regard to many people who do not and should not replace time with those who are most important to us.

I will never forget something that Daniel said to me one Saturday as we were driving "up" to ski. We were crossing over Wilkerson Pass. It beholds a view that is like a postcard you might find with the word Colorado stretched across; it is a must-stop photo opportunity. You can see snowcapped Rocky Mountains for miles mixed with views of cattle enjoying their natural habitat. It is truly one of my favorite views and I see something new each time we pass it. This particular Saturday, we were deep in the process of homebuying. During our drive, I realized our mortgage company had sent us an email about credit ratings and approved financing options from which we needed to choose. I had my nose buried deep in my phone reading this email aloud to him. Daniel interrupted me when I was about mid-way through. He said to me " Babe, look at all the big things you are missing while you are worried about those small things. You are missing your favorite part."  I looked at him with admiration and said "you are exactly right." I think he shocked himself with his burst of wisdom, haha! For the rest of the drive, we discussed how that is true in so many areas of our lives. How many times do I have my nose buried in my phone (even for reading necesssary things) and forget to SEE the big things around me?

Living 1200 miles from the place I will always call "home" has revealed many life-giving things to me. (And no, this is not the first blog about it.)  I am the first to say that I am thankful for text messaging and social media. It helps me stay connected, but does NOT replace connecting in a face-to-face conversation. Isn't it simple to care about people from afar? To launch a campaign for thousands to see on social media about raising money or collecting food for a family? But when the dust settles and the to-do list is checked off, what is to be said about the way we cherished time with the most important people around us? The people in your "immediate circle"?

I was living in an incredibly selfish season of my life when I lost both my grandfather and grandmother. I regret choosing to spend my time with other people over them in my college years and my 20s. If I had known the sorrow I would feel while grieving their death and living with their absence would cause my heart, I would have changed a few things about how I spent my time in their last days.

I want to forget about all the others (and what there elf on the shelf is doing, of what there child wore to school for her birthday party), yet I scroll through these posts reading and filling my time, energy and heart with other's lives. I notice that I forget to look up and see things around me and ignore those moments that could be memories. I want to have conversations, true conversations with my nephews and nieces and know what THEIR lives and personalities are made of. I want to know what my husband's FAVORITE THINGS are! I want to know about my mom's day (she lives alone and probably doesn't that question very often). I want to engage, WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENGAGE with those who are around me. I want to spend time enjoying adventures.

I don't want to miss the big things while giving my attention to the insignificant small ones.

Starting fresh

Last week on facebook, I shared a blog by Allison Vesterfelt entitled "Why I Would Rather Be Crazy Than Boring" and mentioned that I had resigned from my job in communications in the K-12 world to pursue my own endeavors. In case you missed it, here's my post....
My biggest fear in life is to live a boring one. Some people are afraid of dying, some are afraid of flying, others are afraid of public-speaking. Well, I am deathly afraid of a boring life. Spending 40+ hours a week in the mundane, where I am not energized or enlightened by my work, is a nightmare for me. Or worse than that, I fear waking up one day to realize that I lost my creativity or spark somewhere along the way. Don't get me wrong, I believe in hard work and have known hard work since I was old enough to legally hold a job, many times 2-3 jobs at a time.
It has been interesting to hear people's questions like "what are you going to do now?" and my favorite one is "you are quitting your job for nothing?" No, I didn't quit my job for nothing, I quit my job for living. A bigger life. I am fortunate to have a husband who provides and greater than that, a husband who is my partner in unlocking my potential.
My favorite quote in this blog... "I’d rather risk my whole life for something that matters than to get to the end and realized I played it safe so I could drive a nice car and own a leather couch. I’d rather hold to things loosely, feeling grateful for gifts as they come, and giving them away as they are needed by others."
So to my fantastic retirement and my cushy office and company cell phone, I say "See ya 'round. It's not you. It's me."It has been interesting to hear people's questions like "what are you going to do now?" and my favorite one is "you are quitting your job for nothing?" No, I didn't quit my job for nothing, I quit my job for living. A bigger life. I am fortunate to have a husband who provides and greater than that, a husband who is my partner in unlocking my potential. My favorite quote in this blog... "I’d rather risk my whole life for something that matters than to get to the end and realized I played it safe so I could drive a nice car and own a leather couch. I’d rather hold to things loosely, feeling grateful for gifts as they come, and giving them away as they are needed by others."So to my fantastic retirement and my cushy office and company cell phone, I say "See ya 'round. It's not you. It's me."

If you are interested in reading Allison Vesterfelt's blog...
 http://storylineblog.com/2013/11/15/why-i-would-rather-be-crazy-than-boring/

Two Years and Counting....

September 28th, 2011 we pulled into Colorado Springs in our Budget rental truck with my Honda in tow behind it. We were 4 months into our marriage and loving the adventure together!
Shortly thereafter, it hit me. A suckerpunch to my self-esteem. Wait a second, I don't have any friends here and we only know one person in this city. This feeling surprised me because I don't meet a stranger and can find a friendship in anyone. But I talked funny and wore more jewelry than most women here, haha!
I had the pleasure of meeting Becky Grothe that first week at New Life Church. And knew right away that I could depend on her to connect me to others who were likeminded. She is the ultimate "connector" and she loves southerners because she has a deep love for butter and gravy.
Becky understood my uncomfortable feelings of newness and finding my way. One day in Becky's office, she reminded me that all of the opportunities and connections I had back home in Jackson were a result of relationships. And she told me that I needed to give it two years. I thought TWO YEARS!!!!?! I want friends and connections now! I shouldn't be surprised, everything in my life seems to run in two year cycles. 
So here we are at two years. My mom and two aunts are here visiting right now and I am able to give them the ultimate tour of a city that, two years ago, was a totally new terrain. Today I have been reflecting on the relationships we have made and I am simply amazed. We are so thankful for people who have welcomed us into their homes and extended their friendship circles to include us. We are thankful for professional relationships and opportunities that, two years ago, were non-exsistent. Becky was right. Two years proved to be the key. While I miss my family and friends incredibly in Jackson, we finally feel like we are "doing life" alongside others here in Colorado Springs.

Stop the glorification of busy.

I saw this on Pinterest and thought to myself, wow, how true. Somewhere as a young professional, this world taught me that if I talk, move and breathe with exhaustion, people will perceive my behavior as value. That being busy and over-committed meant that I was perceived as.......important. The busy behavior is our way of telling the world "hey look I have value and belong." Yep. Aren't we all guilty of that? Is this an issue with not having enough minutes in the day or is it an identity issue?  We need to feel needed. We need to look involved. And then... in walks facebook, taking this identity issue to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL. We want to be every woman. We want to be super mom. We want to be the professional who has it all.

In my twenties, I traveled heavily 8 months out of the year with my job, different city every day, multiple presentations in one day, leaving home each morning before the sun was up and not getting home until 9pm or later. Combined with Grad School. Combined with buying my own home. Combined with singing anywhere I got the chance. Combined with throwing wedding showers. Combined with throwing baby showers. Combined with choreographing. Combined with trying to stay in shape. Combined with meeting the girls for a night out. Combined with ... you name it.
By Friday each week, I was spent.

Without a doubt, I was busy. But the thing is, so is everyone else! The problem with busy behavior is the message we are sending.... My busy is bigger than your busy.  The truth is, many of us could leave the jobs that give us so much busy-ness, cut our schedules in half and we'd never be missed. The work would continue just fine without us, and would be filled by someone else's talents and efforts.

Let's stop using "busy" as our way of getting attention from those around us. Let's identify how you feel with you tell someone how busy you are. Are you looking for praise? Are you wanting recognition? Are you wanting to belong? Let's start telling people why we do the things that fill our schedules instead of glorifying the busy. Let your words be "I do this because..." and if you can't fill in that blank, maybe you shouldn't be doing it. Be frugal with your time. Give the most important people in your life your most important energy.