Fireworks and Paper Gowns.

I am bonefide redneck when it comes to fireworks. I love fireworks. I love the thrill of knowing my eyebrows might not survive or a grass fire may take out the whole doggone neighborhood. I love all the the New Year's celebrations and the kissing!

Daniel and I used to spend New Year's Day skiing in Colorado for several years in a row and it was dreamy. Becoming parents of a toddler, has forced us to be close to home for the past two years, but as soon as she is old enough, she will have sparklers in hand, hopefully zooming down a ski run! This morning, we were so thankful to have spent the evening with Maggie. We ate dinner, lit one sparkler and had a little dance party in the living room. Daniel and I celebrated the midnight hour twice- with the Eastern Time Zone and then again with Central. What a slow and thankful way to ring in the new year with our people.

Everyone is reflective on the last day of the year and hoping for the new year and so it goes... we want to be the best version of ourselves, we want prosperity, we want love and laughter and balance. I am no different than you. But I want to take the time to reflect on all that 2017 gave us. Joy and Sorrow. Gain and Loss. Pain and Health.

Daniel and I have been reminiscing about the front-row seat we shared watching a toddler grow this year. She learned to walk. She learned to use a fork and spoon. She learned to dance and shake her bottom- my personal fave. She learned to put items back where they belong- like shoes back in the drawer. She learned to brush her teeth. She learned to draw and color. She began to understand every single word we say. It is truly remarkable. Her favorite words are Daddy, No, Apple and Shoes. I die a thousand deaths everytime she says "shoes"- it is the cutest thing you will ever hear. By the end of the year, she had a very clear bedtime routine that includes drinking milk while watching Daniel Tiger, turning off our Christmas Tree lights, climbing onto her stool to brush her teeth, then grabs blank and pacifier and lets Daddy say night-night prayers while holding her in his arms. She does this same thing, every.single.night. The joy I have experienced this year watching her and learning more about myself through her, is like nothing I have ever felt.

At the beginning of 2017, I was still battling postpartum hormones, anxiety and back pain. And now at the end of 2017, my husband is saying "I am so glad to have my wife back." Shew, it was a doozie! This year is ending very differently than it began. I am so, so thankful.

I got myself back in the gym on Monday, Wednesday and Friday each week for a HIIT class- gained a whole lot of muscle and whole lot of friends. I had to dig deep to get over the fear of putting my clean little baby girl in a nursery at the YMCA. (and she is still alive, the germs, in fact, did not kill her.) The back pain only got worse when I was sedentary- so I took responsibility and started moving.

I saw a Rheumatologist for the unrelenting back and joint pain I was experiencing. I wanted a solution. It was hindering every aspect of my life. In my mind, I was concerned that it might be something like fibromyalgia or rheumatoid arthritis. He ran a bunch of tests and, to my relief, no auto-immune markers appeared. My vitamin D was just really, really low. And low vitamin D levels can cause bone pain in addition to the fatigue. So he gave me a strong vitamin D supplement and in one week- I was a new woman. I mean, like, overnight. 

I also had a melanoma removed from my leg and a basal cell carcinoma removed from my eyelid. [The dermatologist also happens to be a friend, so it gets a little awkward waiting for her in my paper gown.] I now have appointments to get naked in front her, every 3 months for the next two years. For that, I am thankful. But that's enough about that- I sound like an 80 year old. Shew. Movin' on. 

At the beginning of 2017, I deeply missed the beauty of Colorado Springs (and still do) but knew that Oxford is exactly where we are supposed to be right now in this season. So I got over it, and let myself be available to new relationships and small town living. On New Year's Eve, as I am sitting in church, I looked around and realized the opportunity we have had to do just that. Our lives have been enriched by relationships here. Our neighbors have become like family,  we have friends who are in the same stages of life along side us, and we are within a few hours drive of family.

Daniel hosted 12 men for a small group at our home this Fall to read through "Kingdom Man."

I hosted 10 college girls over the Summer for a small group to read through "Captivating." These are new relationships that enriched our lives. 

Daniel and I had the awesome opportunity to be pre-marital mentors for a couple who were married the week before Christmas. Watching them say "I do" brought us such joy! Taylor and Jenny Kate are so very sweet and perfect for each other. We loved getting to know them-  a new relationship that enriched our lives.

We have gotten to know an Ole Miss student named Steven. He was the Chaplain for his fraternity, Sigma Chi. He was longing for a mentor and saw Daniel at church and decided he wanted to get to know us. We wanted to get to know him. A new relationship for us to invest in, that has been life giving to us. He loves God, he loves investing in other people and we have loved encouraging him along his path. A new relationship that has enriched our lives.

In 2017, I watched my friend, Heather Land (yes, our names are almost identical) become an internet superstar with her completely ridiculous snapchat videos. She began to support her family financially from this new found stardom. Now, her life, as a single mom/worship leader, has completely changed. I walked with her through a divorce a few years ago in Colorado Springs, soothing her doubts and fears after becoming single. And now, she has moved her children to Nashville, so that she can do what was born to do- live her life as a full-time singer/songwriter and, now, a comedian apparently, ha! It has been an unbelievable whirlwind. I am so stinking proud for her. She really is that sarcastic and funny- it's not an act!

At the end of this year, I also reflect on those who have deep sorrow. My friend, Lauren Palmire Morrow, lost her 4-year old daughter, Eliza, very suddenly and unexpectedly. This precious family has felt the depth of sorrow. The unexplainable depth of sorrow. They did not know this would happen in their 2017. I have watched them drudge through the valley of the shadow of death using a hashtag #Godisgoodallthetime. I have been inspired by their faith and their perseverance. Their sorrow is not gone when the clock strikes midnight. Yet, they continue to teach their children of God's love and provision for their lives in the year ahead. 

In 2017, I asked God to show me joy, the deep deep joy that only He provides. I wanted to be myself again. I begged him to lighten the postpartum load from me and show me moments of pure joy with my daughter. He did exactly that. He nudged me to watch her grow, to watch my husband push her in the swing through the window, to watch her dance in the backseat, to delight in her figuring out a puzzle all on her own. I am so thankful for the past year and the grace that I received from friends, family and my husband. Their grace helped me move forward. So, I encourage you to show grace to others in this new year- for they may be fighting a battle you know nothing about! 

We have no clue what the new year holds for us. Illness, natural disasters, senseless gun violence, international threats of terrorism, political mayhem and deceit, injustice all around us- so many things to steal our hope and joy. We plan and declare as we stare the new year in the eye. We can't control what happens to our lives or those we love, but we can know that God is good all the time. I hope that you will turn off the news, put your phones down more frequently, and turn your face toward your children and connect with your people, your dreams and your blessings. 

2 Corinthians 4

8) We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9) persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10) We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 

16) Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17) For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18) So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.