Becoming a mom.

Ok, so my daughter is 17 months old. Technically, I am not a "new" mom, but- whoa- do I still feel like every day is new. During Maggie's first year, I could not have written logically from the perspective I have now. I was still hungover from sleepless nights and the drama of a human being delivered out of my abdomen. Daniel and I were as ready for baby as we could have been. We are older parents- we felt financially ready, emotionally ready and we had heard all the funny and horrific stories from our siblings and friends about becoming parents.
Which means we were not ready. No one is ready.

(and btw....I never understood why moms told their child's age in "months" but here I am doing the same thing. I get it now.)

So many things have come as a surprise in motherhood, here are a few of those things.

My back. Oh my back. No one told me that I would spend most of motherhood bent over. It wasn't until after a c-section, nursing and sitting hunched over for a few months that people started saying "Oh yeah, your back will never be the same." Like this was common knowledge. Had I known then what I know now, I would have been deadlifting and squatting in the gym every-single-day during my pregnancy. Oh, If you are expecting a baby- get to the gym and strengthen your back, glutes and core. Don't hesitate, go right now.

Every day is new and filled with trial and error experiments. ALL DAY LONG. My brain has never been so tired. I only read one book about babies- "On Becoming Baby Wise." And, yes, that book taught us how to handle the sleep schedule, but everything else was hit or miss. I try very hard to respect Daniel by not asking ridiculous questions that started with "Hey, do you think we should ....?" because he didn't know the answer either! We have been learning together.
(A recent blog I read on this very topic of mom exhaustion. )

Keeping another human alive while helping her develop into a brilliant multi-lingual neuroscientist comes with a lot of pressure, right!? In all seriousness, can all of us young mothers take a long, deep breath and chill out? Like, chill way out.  If I am not driving myself loco googling things in the middle of the night- no worries- another mom will come along and plant seeds of doubt in my parenting for me. I had no idea this would happen. From breastfeeding and food choices, to development markers and choosing the right sippy cup. Can we just all admit we are doing the best we know how?!
The best information I have received has come from my pediatrician and my sister- not blogs, not online forums, not surveying everyone on Facebook- nope! Too much information will make you doubt everything and further the culture of comparison that can steal every single ounce of joy from motherhood. Choose wisely.

Everyone loves babies. I was not expecting that and I have loved every minute of it. Strangers will help you get a shopping cart, they want to peek in and tell you how beautiful she (he) is. Old, young, they all want to dote on your baby everywhere you go. It was so surprising to me. It's like babies are the connector of all humanity.
(One exception- the airport. No one smiles at you when you are carrying a baby through an airport- the opposite is true. They want nothing to do with you and hope to god that you are not sitting next to them on their flight.)

Passive aggressiveness takes a whole new meaning when a baby is involved.
What do I mean?
Someone talking to your baby in a really sweet baby voice saying things like 
"are your little hands cold? Mama needs to get some gloves on you."
I never knew this was going to happen, but a new mom hears everything as an insult or criticism because she doubts she is doing anything correct. Another thing I have to keep in perspective.
When you see a new mom, compliment her. Tell her she is doing a great job.


We are blessed by so many generous people! I am still so surprised by everyone's generosity to my daughter. The only articles of clothing we have to purchase are pajamas. We are constantly receiving boxes of girl clothes from family, friends, neighbors. (in addition to all the dresses her grandmas buy her) I am so thankful!

My husband is still my #1 priority and I am his. This is a what we will teach our daughter. She does not come between Mom and Dad. If we do not take care of this, our family will surely implode. The first 5 years of our marriage was dreamy with just the two of us. I have changed. Daniel has changed. Change is inevitable when you become parents. We are forced to be home for naps and early bedtimes. No last minute concerts or movie. We do not have the freedom we once had. It took us a little while, but I feel like we have accepted this. So dates look a little different. At least once a week, we meet for a coffee date at 6am- we wake up earlier than usual and sit and drink our coffee on the back porch and talk. Intentional. Not expensive, doesn't require a sitter. It just requires intention.

The best advice I received from others was about establishing a routine. In my previous non-mom life, the word routine felt too rigid for me. I thought of myself as more of a free-spirit who does not like to be backed into a corner with a schedule. Before being parents, we declared that our baby would adapt to our way of life and live by our schedule. (the best parents are the ones who have no kids right?) But my, oh my, how I have changed. I quickly learned that defining a schedule for a baby was important. Maggie came into this world as an easy, laid back child who liked her sleep and adapted to a sleep schedule easily. Now, as she is getting older and more adaptable, I still rely on our routine for my sanity. I had no idea that would happen. Call me rigid.

I miss her. By the end of every day, my energy is zapped and I look forward to her 7:30 bedtime. Two hours later, Daniel and I start talking about the day. I show him some pics I snapped during the day or share a story about something she did- and then we say "Awe, I miss her."
WHAT IN THE WORLD?

Becoming a mother has been has shown me new strengths and revealed the depth of my selfishness. No other season of life has brought so much change. And we are better for it! What a delight she is.