The Big Ones

Boundary. Ah, a word we learn to use as an adult. A word that my heavy heart grew to understand while listening to a poignant sermon at Pinelake or while spilling my guts with a counselor in my mid-20s. I don't know about you, but boundary is a life-giving word. Who knew?
It is a word that actually brings freedom in my life- a freedom that gives room for clarity and courage.  I have been chewing on the word boundary as it relates to my time and on whom I choose to spend my time. Now, before you start thinking that sounds audacious, I want all of us to agree that yes, we give our time freely and without regard to many people who do not and should not replace time with those who are most important to us.

I will never forget something that Daniel said to me one Saturday as we were driving "up" to ski. We were crossing over Wilkerson Pass. It beholds a view that is like a postcard you might find with the word Colorado stretched across; it is a must-stop photo opportunity. You can see snowcapped Rocky Mountains for miles mixed with views of cattle enjoying their natural habitat. It is truly one of my favorite views and I see something new each time we pass it. This particular Saturday, we were deep in the process of homebuying. During our drive, I realized our mortgage company had sent us an email about credit ratings and approved financing options from which we needed to choose. I had my nose buried deep in my phone reading this email aloud to him. Daniel interrupted me when I was about mid-way through. He said to me " Babe, look at all the big things you are missing while you are worried about those small things. You are missing your favorite part."  I looked at him with admiration and said "you are exactly right." I think he shocked himself with his burst of wisdom, haha! For the rest of the drive, we discussed how that is true in so many areas of our lives. How many times do I have my nose buried in my phone (even for reading necesssary things) and forget to SEE the big things around me?

Living 1200 miles from the place I will always call "home" has revealed many life-giving things to me. (And no, this is not the first blog about it.)  I am the first to say that I am thankful for text messaging and social media. It helps me stay connected, but does NOT replace connecting in a face-to-face conversation. Isn't it simple to care about people from afar? To launch a campaign for thousands to see on social media about raising money or collecting food for a family? But when the dust settles and the to-do list is checked off, what is to be said about the way we cherished time with the most important people around us? The people in your "immediate circle"?

I was living in an incredibly selfish season of my life when I lost both my grandfather and grandmother. I regret choosing to spend my time with other people over them in my college years and my 20s. If I had known the sorrow I would feel while grieving their death and living with their absence would cause my heart, I would have changed a few things about how I spent my time in their last days.

I want to forget about all the others (and what there elf on the shelf is doing, of what there child wore to school for her birthday party), yet I scroll through these posts reading and filling my time, energy and heart with other's lives. I notice that I forget to look up and see things around me and ignore those moments that could be memories. I want to have conversations, true conversations with my nephews and nieces and know what THEIR lives and personalities are made of. I want to know what my husband's FAVORITE THINGS are! I want to know about my mom's day (she lives alone and probably doesn't that question very often). I want to engage, WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENGAGE with those who are around me. I want to spend time enjoying adventures.

I don't want to miss the big things while giving my attention to the insignificant small ones.

Starting fresh

Last week on facebook, I shared a blog by Allison Vesterfelt entitled "Why I Would Rather Be Crazy Than Boring" and mentioned that I had resigned from my job in communications in the K-12 world to pursue my own endeavors. In case you missed it, here's my post....
My biggest fear in life is to live a boring one. Some people are afraid of dying, some are afraid of flying, others are afraid of public-speaking. Well, I am deathly afraid of a boring life. Spending 40+ hours a week in the mundane, where I am not energized or enlightened by my work, is a nightmare for me. Or worse than that, I fear waking up one day to realize that I lost my creativity or spark somewhere along the way. Don't get me wrong, I believe in hard work and have known hard work since I was old enough to legally hold a job, many times 2-3 jobs at a time.
It has been interesting to hear people's questions like "what are you going to do now?" and my favorite one is "you are quitting your job for nothing?" No, I didn't quit my job for nothing, I quit my job for living. A bigger life. I am fortunate to have a husband who provides and greater than that, a husband who is my partner in unlocking my potential.
My favorite quote in this blog... "I’d rather risk my whole life for something that matters than to get to the end and realized I played it safe so I could drive a nice car and own a leather couch. I’d rather hold to things loosely, feeling grateful for gifts as they come, and giving them away as they are needed by others."
So to my fantastic retirement and my cushy office and company cell phone, I say "See ya 'round. It's not you. It's me."It has been interesting to hear people's questions like "what are you going to do now?" and my favorite one is "you are quitting your job for nothing?" No, I didn't quit my job for nothing, I quit my job for living. A bigger life. I am fortunate to have a husband who provides and greater than that, a husband who is my partner in unlocking my potential. My favorite quote in this blog... "I’d rather risk my whole life for something that matters than to get to the end and realized I played it safe so I could drive a nice car and own a leather couch. I’d rather hold to things loosely, feeling grateful for gifts as they come, and giving them away as they are needed by others."So to my fantastic retirement and my cushy office and company cell phone, I say "See ya 'round. It's not you. It's me."

If you are interested in reading Allison Vesterfelt's blog...
 http://storylineblog.com/2013/11/15/why-i-would-rather-be-crazy-than-boring/

Two Years and Counting....

September 28th, 2011 we pulled into Colorado Springs in our Budget rental truck with my Honda in tow behind it. We were 4 months into our marriage and loving the adventure together!
Shortly thereafter, it hit me. A suckerpunch to my self-esteem. Wait a second, I don't have any friends here and we only know one person in this city. This feeling surprised me because I don't meet a stranger and can find a friendship in anyone. But I talked funny and wore more jewelry than most women here, haha!
I had the pleasure of meeting Becky Grothe that first week at New Life Church. And knew right away that I could depend on her to connect me to others who were likeminded. She is the ultimate "connector" and she loves southerners because she has a deep love for butter and gravy.
Becky understood my uncomfortable feelings of newness and finding my way. One day in Becky's office, she reminded me that all of the opportunities and connections I had back home in Jackson were a result of relationships. And she told me that I needed to give it two years. I thought TWO YEARS!!!!?! I want friends and connections now! I shouldn't be surprised, everything in my life seems to run in two year cycles. 
So here we are at two years. My mom and two aunts are here visiting right now and I am able to give them the ultimate tour of a city that, two years ago, was a totally new terrain. Today I have been reflecting on the relationships we have made and I am simply amazed. We are so thankful for people who have welcomed us into their homes and extended their friendship circles to include us. We are thankful for professional relationships and opportunities that, two years ago, were non-exsistent. Becky was right. Two years proved to be the key. While I miss my family and friends incredibly in Jackson, we finally feel like we are "doing life" alongside others here in Colorado Springs.

Stop the glorification of busy.

I saw this on Pinterest and thought to myself, wow, how true. Somewhere as a young professional, this world taught me that if I talk, move and breathe with exhaustion, people will perceive my behavior as value. That being busy and over-committed meant that I was perceived as.......important. The busy behavior is our way of telling the world "hey look I have value and belong." Yep. Aren't we all guilty of that? Is this an issue with not having enough minutes in the day or is it an identity issue?  We need to feel needed. We need to look involved. And then... in walks facebook, taking this identity issue to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL. We want to be every woman. We want to be super mom. We want to be the professional who has it all.

In my twenties, I traveled heavily 8 months out of the year with my job, different city every day, multiple presentations in one day, leaving home each morning before the sun was up and not getting home until 9pm or later. Combined with Grad School. Combined with buying my own home. Combined with singing anywhere I got the chance. Combined with throwing wedding showers. Combined with throwing baby showers. Combined with choreographing. Combined with trying to stay in shape. Combined with meeting the girls for a night out. Combined with ... you name it.
By Friday each week, I was spent.

Without a doubt, I was busy. But the thing is, so is everyone else! The problem with busy behavior is the message we are sending.... My busy is bigger than your busy.  The truth is, many of us could leave the jobs that give us so much busy-ness, cut our schedules in half and we'd never be missed. The work would continue just fine without us, and would be filled by someone else's talents and efforts.

Let's stop using "busy" as our way of getting attention from those around us. Let's identify how you feel with you tell someone how busy you are. Are you looking for praise? Are you wanting recognition? Are you wanting to belong? Let's start telling people why we do the things that fill our schedules instead of glorifying the busy. Let your words be "I do this because..." and if you can't fill in that blank, maybe you shouldn't be doing it. Be frugal with your time. Give the most important people in your life your most important energy.

Our latest deposit

A few months ago, I took a risk in blogging about the house we were planning to build in the dream neighborhood with killer views of Pikes Peak and our city. Well, it isn't happening.
After failed transactions from our builder, many engineering reports, we lost the lot because our builder failed to communicate in time to file an extension with the seller of the lot. This was a four month transaction that had pushed us too far and forced us to walk away from what seems like slow-sketchy business with a builder who doesn't have a large portfolio. I finally accepted that we weren't going to live in Cedar Heights, and we proceed to request a refund of the LARGE deposit we paid, minus the cost of the engineer's report. They disagreed. They were quick to get our money for a deposit back in January, but didn't want to accept any fault now. We had our records, they had their records.
What were we to do?
We prayed that in all of this mess, we would show character, wisdom and humility when dealing with the builder. We prayed protection against the victim mentality or greed in our hearts. After reaching a settlement yesterday with the party, Daniel and I decided we weren't going to discuss it anymore. Water under the bridge. Forward motion. (we say "forward motion" often in our home)
It could have been much worse, like one of those nightmare stories where the builder goes bankrupt and leaves town. It' wasn't that bad, yet. I hate that the disagreement over money-paid and time-spent was stealing our energy. Even if we didn't receive any of the deposit back, it would not ruin our lives, we reminded ourselves of that over and over. One thing that Daniel said to me was "Money is a good problem to have, because we make more of it everyday." I love him for that. He could have been angry, ranting and making it worse, but instead he was calm, wise and patient.
While all of this has been happening over the last six months, we continued to shop with our realtor for existing homes. I am happy to report, we close on a home tomorrow in Monument and I am finally letting myself get excited about making it our own, yes, even the terrible navajo-print concrete fireplace in the basement. It's tucked in the trees (please don't say anything to me about wildfires) and has an awesome deck for us to start entertaining!!!
I am ready to land in "our" home. Where we can start a family and put roots down in Colorado Springs. We are ready. Very ready.

A lament for the public restroom

(I have no idea who would possibly care about my pet peeves about public bathrooms, so the blog is where they land. If I ever become a stand-up comedian, this will find its way into my act for sure.)

Other than the obvious gross factor of public restrooms, there are some pretty blatant areas for improvement.
1- Why are the latches on the stall doors ALWAYS broken? Can the great inventors in this world not figure out a fool-proof latch that will endure the beating? Really. They are always broken!

2- Who invented that toilet paper holder that doesn't turn? As if the frail quality of the toilet paper wasn't enough, "let's put it on a spool that doesn't turn and make them work for it."

3- The counter-tops by the sink are always wet and I would rather throw my purse in a pile of cow manure before I set it on the floor. Public restrooms need to put hooks on the edge of the counter-tops for women to hang their purses.

4- The smell of public restroom cleanser is enough to make anyone gag. And the smell of public restroom hand cleanser screams at you the rest of the day. Bleh.

5- Because I loathe those air hand dryers, I always choose the paper towel dispenser. The sensors on those things make any self-respecting adult look like a complete moron.

That's all for now.

It's that time of year...

I love this time of year. It is time to roll up my sleeves and make things grow!!!

Being organized pays off... Literally

As a single-girl who grew up without a dad around to tend to her vehicle, I found myself grunting through auto-repairs with a limited budget and always at an inconvenient time. I am still driving my 2005 Honda Accord that I love, and love even more because I do not have a car payment. Will. drive. until. wheels. fall. off.
I have always been diligent in keeping records of my repairs, oil changes etc. I am as diligent about these files as I am tax documents. A responsible quirk that I often questioned.
But, lo and behold, this organization will pay off. Literally. A Honda recall on a power steering hose issue that I had repaired 4 years ago will result in a reimbursement any day now! I am so glad I kept those receipts!

Do you smell that?

Did you ever see the movie Someone Like You starring Ashley Judd, Hugh Jackman and Greg Kinnear? I have seen it at least one trillion times. Jilted Jane is unexpectedly dumped by her love; a predictable premise all too familiar in those types of chick flicks. In one scene, she asks her doctor if he will surgically remove the part of her brain that processes her sense of smell. You know "the part that smells his cologne in the middle of the city street or smell his freshly laundered shirt even though he is no where to be found".
Have you been there before? I know I have. We have all experienced a smell that reminds us of a person or a time associated with a painful memory. But then there is the other side, when our olfactory senses surprise us when we least expect it. When a simple smell transports us to a place that we want to remember, a place where positive memories were made. Today that happened.
I stopped into a local Mediterranean restaurant to pick up my favorite hummus plate. As soon as I walked in, the smell hit me. I was so distracted I couldn't think straight when the sweet girl was taking my  order. The smell immediately transported me to the restaurant my grandfather owned when I was young. It was in the tiny town of Conehatta, Mississippi (that is pronounced Cone-uh-hat-ta).

I was in elementary/middle school and spent several weekends there. It was only open on Friday and Saturday night, which is a business model crazy enough to be successful in a small southern town. From what I understand, it had the best hush-puppies and catfish around. The odd thing was, my grandfather was a vegetarian and didn't eat much of anything that was served. My sister was old enough to waitress alongside my grandmother and great-aunt Frances. Unlike my sister, I was not old enough to work, so I just spent my time doing homework and eating chicken tenders. I remember the gentleman who folded up a one-dollar-bill into the shape of a ring as the tip for my grandmother. When she passed away, that dollar-bill ring was still in her jewelry box. Many hours were spent rocking in the two over-sized rocking chairs by the cash register. The blonde-colored wood paneling from floor to ceiling screamed of country life. The cook in the kitchen was "as-round-as-she-is-tall" and I remember her always being so nice and welcoming even if I was in her kitchen space. My great-aunt Glynn, a retired school teacher whom everyone knew and loved, acted as a hostess speaking to everyone who walked through those doors.  She would take the time to sit with me at the red and white checkered tables and have mature conversations with me, which many adults rarely do with kids that age. My grandfather, who only ran the business for a few years alongside his brother, was great at working hard. He was in his element at that "fish house." I remember how I felt there with my family- I remember feeling like I was part of the family business. But most vividly, I remember the smell of that place.
There isn't a day that goes without missing my grandfather. His nickname was "Scoot" and he was the funniest man in my world. He assumed the role as my "father-figure" after my dad died. I would give anything to spend a little bit more time with him. Today that smell, even though it was only his memory, gave me just that.

written yesterday, April 4, 2013

Secrets of Adulthood...make a list!

My list of "secrets of adulthood." These include all those times my mom said "you will thank me for this one day"...

• Over the counter medicine works. Take it.
• Sleep matters 
• Take a jacket
• People don't notice your mistakes as much as you think 
• People aren't paying attention to your physical appearance nearly as much as you
• The way you make someone feel is how you will be remembered. Be thoughtful.
• Intentional movement (exercise) should always the first line of defense
• By doing a little each day, you can get a lot accomplished
• Don't put off to tomorrow what you can do today
• Allow a man the room to be a man and he will
• You can control who gets your time and energy
• You can control who gets your money
• Changing your scenery or daily routine can be energizing
• Open mail immediately and discard junk mail 
• Making your bed will instantly make your room look clean
• If you can't find something, clean up
• What you think is funny may not be funny to other people- and vice versa
• Soap and water removes most stains
• Do what ought to be done
• Love requires wholeness
• It is okay to ask for help

This idea came from "The Pursuit of Happiness" by Gretchen Rubin. Now, you should take the time to make your list!