One day at a time sweet Jesus

from Sunday, October 29, 2006

I missed her call, checked her voicemail. Its a call from Roxanne telling me her grandmother, whom we called "Ole Yeller" passed away on Thursday night. She then proceeds to ask me to sing at the funeral. For this friend, I would do anything. She knows that.
But then she began to laugh, "You don't know what song I am about to ask you to sing," she said. So I waited, listened to her laughter and not knowing what I was laughing at, I began to laugh myself. Roxanne said "One day at a Time, Sweet Jesus-you know that old song. I think Loretta Lynn sang it." I could hardly distinguish the words from her laughter. I reassured her that I would sing no matter what it was and even though my voice is still hoarse, I would do it the best I could.

It was an honor to be asked to sing at a funeral of somone so precious to my friend. Hopped on iTunes and downloaded "One Day at a Time". Surprisingly, many artists were listed. Who could have guessed that gospel albums from the early 80's would show up on iTunes? The song has the deepest "twang" and a standard country beat with 2 verses and 2 choruses. Totally not me. I knew at this point that I would not be able to sit in sight of Roxanne's face. Not because of her tears, but because she would be laughing while I sang. And you know how it goes- you ALWAYS laugh harder when you are NOT supposed to laugh. i.e Funerals, Weddings, Ceremonies. Fortunately, the song was the very first thing in the service and I was hidden behind a flower arrangement. And although I struggled through it with my damaged vocal chords- it was still an honor and she and I had some good laughs!

As I sat listening to the obituary and the message about death and eternity, I couldn't help but be reminded of my grandfather's funeral. You see, this was the first funeral I have been to since my grandfather's death in January. My mind drifted back to the hospital room, where I grieved over my PawPaw as he lived his last minutes with us. I started thinking about how long it has been since I have seen him. I remember how much pain he suffered, but then I was reminded of how much joy he brought us. Even in his last days at home during Christmas, he still made us laugh. When I was 4 years old, my father died and I don't have one memory of him, so my PawPaw was the first death of someone so close to me. He was the man who taught me how to pick a "good tomato", he taught me how to drive, how to make people laugh, how to eat watermelon, how to shoot firecrackers, how to ride a lawnmower, how to bait a fishing hook. He was the best cook- he cooked the meat for our family gatherings, even though he was vegetarian. I miss his goofy dancing, his kiss on my cheek and his approval when I walk in the room. I remember so many funny stories of him.

I cheered in high school, and as we would run down the sidelines he would always stand up and yell "Hey Heather" waving his hands in the air. My friends on the squad learned to look for him at every game, b/c they loved to see him act so crazy. The first time Roxanne met my grandfather, he did a kart-wheel for her right there in the front yard . When I was in Miss Mississippi, he told everyone he would meet, seriously-even the check out girl at Kroger. And that was the case for all of his 5 grandchildren, he would brag of our accomplishments to everyone. We wanted to act embarrased, but we loved it! He didn't miss a thing, he was at every event!

My grandmother made him biscuits every morning for 56 years and cornbread every night. I bet she would love to have him at her table again. I am so glad he is not in pain anymore, but I sure do miss him. During his death I was encouraged to grieve .

Grieving takes time, grieving doesn't happen all at once. As I wiped tears from my cheek at Roxanne's grandmother's funeral, I realized that I was doing just that- 10 months down the road, I was still grieving. It was a good feeling though- knowing that I am normal, knowing that I haven't supressed those feeling so far down that i am unaffected, knowing that I could grieve alongside of my friend during her loss, too. I don't consider myself a real sympathetic person, but this day the feeling were so fresh, they were way to close to home.